Beyond the Lens Page 23

  “Are you okay?” I asked, running a hand through his hair.

  “Yeah, I just hate all the media stuff.” I’d thought the media attention was bad before, but that was nothing compared to the days since they’d been airing the unedited footage. Adam and Carl had been thrust into the spotlight too. While Carl seemed to enjoy it, Adam wanted to hide from it. Public opinion of me seemed to be slightly better. I’d ventured to the shop in the afternoon without getting any abuse, so that was positive. People didn’t seem to hate me any more, but I don’t think I was very popular either. I tried not to watch any of the show, but in moments of weakness I flicked on and saw myself as quite geeky.

  “It will blow over,” I told him: that was what he’d said to me when I’d been panicking about the media coverage.

  “Maybe.”

  “It will. As soon as the show is over, people will find something else to obsess over.”

  “It’s not the general public that worries me,” he said, sitting up. “It’s the fact that I need to make a living and I’m being shown as the most unprofessional cameraman ever. Stuff like that doesn’t just blow over. Employers will remember that.”

  “I don’t think it’s that bad; everyone loves you.”

  “I’m not interested in winning popularity contests,” he said angrily. “I’m worried about how I’m going to pay my mortgage when no one will employ me.”

  “Okay.” I turned away from him.

  “Sorry.” He reached for my hand. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you. Hopefully, I’m overreacting. I just hate the reporters and the press coverage. I can’t stand people recognising me. I want life to get back to normal.”

  “It will,” I said, gently. “We’ll look back and laugh at all this one day.”

  “Hi,” Melissa shouted as she came into the apartment. We shouted greetings but she disappeared into her room and slammed the door.

  “I need to find somewhere else to live.” I sighed. “I don’t know how long I can put up with Melissa and her moods.”

  “Yeah,” Adam mumbled. I wasn’t convinced he’d heard me.

  “Do you want to watch a movie?”

  “I think I might just head home.” He turned to kiss me and I moved closer to him.

  “You could stay here,” I suggested.

  “I’ve got a meeting first thing in the morning at the TV studios and it’s easier if I go from my place.”

  “Okay.” I smiled, trying to hide my disappointment.

  “Sorry. I hardly slept last night and I’m in a crappy mood. I just need to go home and get some sleep.”

  “That’s fine.” I kissed him again and moved away to let him up.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said at the door.

  “What’s the meeting about?” I asked.

  “I’ve no idea; they just asked me to come in. It was all a bit mysterious. I’ll find out tomorrow.”

  I closed the door on him and felt as though the perfect little world we’d created was falling down around me. Of course things wouldn’t stay happy and shiny forever but I hated seeing Adam so down. Hopefully things would get better after this week. We’d do the live show and then the media attention would gradually die down until we were completely forgotten about. Things could only get better.

  ***

  “Hi!” Melissa sounded strangely cheerful as she walked into the living room the next morning. “I was just on my way to work,” she told me, “but I saw this outside the corner shop and thought you’d want to see it.” She dropped a tabloid newspaper in front of me. My heart sank when I glanced at the headline: How I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me on a reality TV show. There was a picture of Adam with a woman who looked like a model. Maybe not. I guess she could be a supermodel. She was gorgeous.

  Melissa turned to leave and I looked up at her. “What’s your problem?” I asked angrily.

  “I don’t have a problem,” she said innocently.

  “Then why are you being so nasty? You’ve not had anything nice to say to me since I got back from Spain.”

  She hovered in the doorway, looking uncomfortable. “I just think it’s so pathetic, all this media stuff. I feel sorry for you. You’ve made such a mess of your life.”

  “You feel sorry for me?” I asked. “Why have you been so horrible if you feel sorry for me?”

  She looked at me, rubbing her forehead as though searching for an answer.

  “It seems more like you’re jealous,” I suggested.

  “You’ve got no job,” she snapped. “And you’re splashed all over the tabloids. What’s to be jealous of?”

  “I’ve got a boyfriend,” I said and caught the look on her face. I was right; she was jealous. “And friends, and a life!”

  “Pff!” She raised her eyebrows and glanced at the paper on the table. “Are you sure you’ve still got a boyfriend?” Abruptly, she turned and left.

  I kept my cool while I read the article. It seemed that Adam’s girlfriend, Felicity Carter, was just a regular old model – nothing super about her. So that was a relief. She talked about how she’d been dating Adam right before the show started and how he’d been acting strangely ever since he’d left for Spain. She’d suspected something was going on, but didn’t know what until the unedited show started on Friday and it gradually became clear that he’d been having some sort of romance with one of the contestants. “Some sort of romance?” I laughed as I repeated the words aloud.

  I took a deep breath and struggled to straighten things out in my head. I tried to convince myself that she was just a bimbo trying to make some money by making up a story, but there were pictures of her with Adam and they looked genuine. To make matters worse, they looked great together.

  The next minute, I threw the paper down onto the coffee table, realising it was all lies as I glanced at the picture again. At least, I hoped it was lies.

  Chapter 40

  I opened the door to a nervous-looking Adam later that day. “I was just going to make a cup of tea,” I told him. “Do you want one?”

  “I’d love one.” He hovered in the kitchen doorway. I decided I’d let him sweat rather than come out and ask about Felicity Carter. I was hoping he might bring it up, but I’d purposely left the newspaper out on the coffee table as a little conversation starter, presuming he wouldn’t mention it if I didn’t.

  “How was your day?” I asked, handing him his tea.

  “Fine. I got a lot done. I finished working on the photos from Sunday and sent them over to Angela, so I’m just waiting to hear what she thinks.”

  “She’ll love them, I’m sure.”

  “I hope so. I always get a bit nervous waiting for people’s reactions. Oh … you saw that, then?” he asked, looking at the newspaper lying on the table.

  “Yeah. I can’t believe you never mentioned your girlfriend to me. She’s very pretty.”

  “I’m glad you think it’s funny. I was expecting you to slam the door in my face. Now I’m a bit concerned that you’re not bothered.” He sat beside me on the couch. “So do you just not care that I have another girlfriend, or is it really so unbelievable that she could be my girlfriend?”

  “It was the shoes,” I told him, flicking to the remainder of the story on page five, which included a full-length picture of Felicity. “I know how you feel about ridiculously high heels.” The shoes she was wearing would be considered extreme by most people’s standards – not just flat-heeled me.

  He sighed and leaned back. “I’m also not that interested in the sort of person who would make up stories just to make a few quid.”

  “Did you date her?” I asked calmly.

  “I went on one date with her,” he told me, reaching for my hand. “And that was one too many. I promise you there’s nothing going on.”

  “I didn’t think there was.” I moved closer to him and ignored the niggling doubts in my mind. I did believe him, but there was a tiny part of me that wondered if I shouldn’t be so trusting. After all, I�
��d only known him a short time. I felt as though I knew him so well – but I was also aware that my feelings for him made me vulnerable.

  “Thanks for not freaking out,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around me and resting his head against mine. “I was worried that you’d believe it. I can cope with all this media stuff, just so long as it doesn’t come between us.”

  “It won’t.” I stroked his bandaged hand. “Where did the photos come from?” I asked, wondering how on earth anyone goes on one date with someone and ends up with photos like the ones in the newspaper.

  “I didn’t even know her then.” He picked up the paper to look at the pictures. “I was working and she was in the studio for a photo shoot. She just dragged me on set. I think she was drunk, to be honest.”

  I took the paper from him and folded it up, not wanting to look at it any more. “What was the meeting about this morning?”

  “Well, they had a few lawyers present while they asked me some questions about my hand, so I guess they’re worried I’m going to sue them or something.”

  “That’s all they wanted?”

  “Some boring work stuff. Discussing upcoming contracts ...”

  “So they will employ you again?”

  “Seems like it.”

  “That’s good, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” He didn’t sound too sure. “They also want Carl and me on the live show with you guys on Friday.”

  “Really?” I was immediately excited at the thought of Adam being there too. “I’m dreading it. It’ll be much better if you’re there.”

  “I’m not doing it.” He shook his head slightly. “I told them to take a running jump. There’s no way I’m doing that. Would you do it, if you had a choice?”

  “I don’t know.” I was dreading doing a live show, but it was also nice to think that we could finally have our say. It seemed like a fitting end to things somehow. “I guess not,” I told him, wanting to be agreeable but also upset that he wouldn’t be there.

  “I think Carl will do it,” he commented. “He loves all the media attention.”

  Chapter 41

  Ryan and Matt looked up from their game of pool when we walked into the back room of the pub early in the evening. It had been less than a week since I had seen them, and less than a month since we met, but we embraced like family reuniting following a long separation. We sat around drinking, chatting and laughing while the rest of our gang arrived over the next hour or so.

  Margaret and Kelly both looked tired; they complained they’d been working and partying too much and were in desperate need of sleep. They announced they couldn’t stay long and sat down with a glass of wine each.

  Chrissie squeezed me tightly when she arrived. I felt great with the whole gang around me.

  “You should’ve invited Carl,” I told Adam, realising we were one person short.

  “I asked him earlier in the week,” Adam said. “But his in-laws are visiting or something.”

  “I spoke to him earlier,” Matt chimed in. “He said he’d call in.”

  “Really?” Adam asked. “I might give him a call and see what he’s up to …” He moved away from us, his phone to his ear, and came back when there was no answer.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah, fine.” He draped his arm around my shoulder while I waited for my turn on the pool table. Matt had us all playing some game, but I wasn’t entirely certain what was going on, so I just took a shot when I was told to. I was fairly sure I was losing.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Carl told us merrily when he finally arrived. “Matt promised you wouldn’t start the fun without me, but I think he lied!” He grabbed a beer and came and joined Adam and me at the bar. “Congratulations on the job!” he said, beaming at Adam. “Some people have all the luck. I’m starting to regret the whole wife and kid thing.”

  “What job?” Chrissie asked, hovering between the pool table and us with a cue in her hand.

  “They offered us permanent contracts. Unfortunately for me, it’s six months of the year in Spain for as long as this holiday reality show lasts. Lizzie vetoed it, so I’m out. I’m so jealous.” He slapped Adam on the arm. “Easy work, too: since everyone knows the house is rigged, it’s only the bits outside the house. It’s basically a load of money for sitting in the sun half the year. The usual studio work the rest of the year, but a permanent contract is like gold dust.”

  “Congratulations!” Chrissie said, glancing at me. I avoided eye contact with her and smiled benignly, trying my best not to react.

  “It sounds great,” I said, forcing cheer into my voice. I felt Carl’s eyes on me and saw the panic on his face when he realised that Adam hadn’t told me the news.

  “I’m just going to say hello to Margaret and Kelly,” he muttered, slapping Adam lightly on the back and moving away from us.

  “I was going to tell you,” Adam leaned in towards me. “I haven’t even accepted it yet. I said I needed to think about it.”

  My heart pounded in my chest. “Was that what the meeting was about today?”

  “Yeah. I was still trying to get my head around it all.”

  “It’s brilliant, though, isn’t it? I mean, you were worried about getting work. And you said the contracts are usually short, so a permanent one must be a big deal.” I was talking too fast. I didn’t want anyone to see how I really felt. “Working in Spain will be amazing. When do you start?”

  “They want me to fly out on Sunday. They’re going to do another show straight away.”

  “Can you tell Maria I said hello?” Matt jumped in to the conversation. “I can’t believe you’ll be there without us. I bet the next lot will be boring. The show will be a disaster and you’ll be back in a week.”

  I lifted my beer bottle to my lips and felt my hand tremble. I really wanted to get out of there and away from Adam’s awkward looks. I wasn’t sure how long I could keep the fake smile on my face. Finishing my drink, I announced that I needed my beauty sleep.

  “Can I come with you?” Adam asked quietly once I’d said my goodbyes.

  “I’m staying at my dad’s,” I lied. “I said I’d take the boys out in the morning. Trying to be helpful, while I have the time.”

  “Can we talk?” he asked, escorting me out of the back door of the pub. “About Spain and the job.”

  “Look.” I turned to him, taking a deep breath and hoping I could keep calm. “It’s okay. It sounds like an amazing opportunity, and it will probably be nice for you to get away from all the media hassle.”

  “What about us?” he asked.

  “We can see each other whenever you’re back,” I told him, feeling suddenly sick. “Lots of people have long-distance relationships.”

  I didn’t mention that I wasn’t one of those people. It wouldn’t work for me: I’d hate every second of being apart and I couldn’t put myself through it. The thought of it was bad enough. “I don’t think you should pass up such an amazing opportunity,” I said, with as much conviction as I could muster.

  “Really?” He frowned. “So you’re okay with me going?”

  I couldn’t formulate words, so I did some combination of a shrug and a nod. I could hardly tell him not to go. We’d only known each other a matter of weeks, and I didn’t want him to end up resenting me because he missed out. That’s if he would even turn it down for me.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” he asked as we reached the main road. Thankfully there were plenty of taxis around, and I managed to flag one down immediately.

  “Yeah. I’ll give you a call.”

  “Maybe we can have dinner together?”

  “That sounds nice.” I kissed him and climbed into the taxi, turning to wave when the car pulled away. When the driver asked where I was going, I gave him my dad’s address. I couldn’t face going back to the apartment. Dad and Kerry’s house was more homely and I really needed to be somewhere comforting. I leaned back against the headrest and let the tears fall down my face.


  I was silently congratulating myself on making it all the way through the house and up the stairs to the guest room without waking anyone when the hall light came on and bathed me in light.

  “Sorry,” I whispered to Kerry. “I was trying to be quiet. Is it okay if I stay here?”

  “Of course,” she murmured, squinting into the light. “Is everything okay?”

  I really thought I was just going to say yes, but I surprised myself by calmly telling her that Adam was moving to Spain and I was going to die alone. She shuffled past me into the spare room and closed the door behind us before taking a seat on the bed, patting the space next to her.

  “What happened?” she asked, stifling a yawn.

  I fell backwards to lie on the bed. “He got offered more work in Spain. They want him to leave on Sunday.”

  “How long for?” she asked, patting my knee.

  “I’m not sure – maybe six months. He wants to keep in touch, have a long-distance relationship or whatever.”

  “And you don’t?” she asked.

  “No,” I told her, sitting up on the bed to look at her. “I don’t want him to go.”

  “Did you tell him that?”

  “No. I can’t tell him that. We’ve not known each other long. Please don’t say I told you so.”

  “Do you really think I would?” Kerry sighed. “It seems bad now, but things tend to work out how they should. If it’s meant to be, it will be. And if you really love him, you can figure out the distance.”

  “I feel really stupid,” I sobbed, leaning into her as she wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “I thought this was something serious. I already planned out my life with him” – I laughed bitterly – “and it didn’t involve him spending half the year in Spain.”

  I straightened up and wiped my tears, insisting I was fine and telling Kerry to go back to bed. I couldn’t fall asleep, though. Apparently I was going to be awake all night enduring the torture of my own thoughts. I’d let myself get carried away and jumped ahead to my happy-ever-after way too soon. I couldn’t believe he’d be leaving on Sunday. I didn’t even have the chance to get my head around it: he’d be gone before I knew it and I’d spend the rest of my life being miserable.